Who’s that behind the Mask?

By Didi Gorman

I don a mask and a winter hat and head to the grocery store. Only my eyes are visible in-between those face coverings.

While at the grocery store, I run into two colleagues of mine and we chat about work (and about our children and politics and gardening).

After we part ways, I hear one of them asking the other, “Who WAS she?”

“I have no clue,” replies the other.

If that’s not bad enough, wait, there’s more:

I head to the dairy section, readjusting my mask and my hat. While I choose a tub of cottage cheese, I notice a young man in a Yankees hat and a matching mask waving at me emphatically. I politely wave back. He approaches, halting at six feet away. “Hey hun,” he says softly in my direction.

“Hey…?” I say back. I’ve never seen him before.

The young man clears his throat. “Uhm, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I really need to tell you how I feel about you.”

“Uh… I – I think there’s a mis–” I manage to muster, but he doesn’t seem to hear me.

He takes a step closer. “I know it’s not the right place or the right time but I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, I don’t want to wait any longer.” He goes down on one knee, holding a red rose in his right hand, which he now extends towards me. “I’m ready for commitment and I want you to be my wife.” His voice is trembling and his eyes well up. “What do you say, Marlene?”

“I say that my name is Didi and that my husband is standing right behind you.”

What happens next is a bit of a commotion, what with the real Marlene walking into the store right at that moment only to find her fiancé kneeling by another woman, declaring his love; and my own husband (the real one) not taking too well to the idea of random strangers proposing to his wife in the middle of the dairy aisle.

It takes a couple of minutes to sort things out, but in the end, all concerned persons are reunited with their right spouses.

What can I say? That was quite the trip to the grocery store – full of suspense, intrigue and romance! And to think I had only gone there for a cottage cheese… Just imagine the plot twists had I, instead, chosen a cheddar!

Anyway, I’m digressing. There’s a pressing lesson to be taken from our story today: Write your name – in large thick letters – on the outside of your mask. This way, should unpredicted marriage proposals come your way, your future other-half will at least get your name right.