Stories of our Times: Toilet Paper Tales Part 2

By Didi Gorman

What happens when two customers spot the one last toilet paper pack left in the grocery store? Several possible scenarios could unfold.

It may start with a race. On your mark, get set, go! Both contestants sprint with their groceries-filled carts towards the irresistible bathroom supply and the winner takes it all (ay, ay, the pun, the pun…)

Then there’s the standstill scenario in which both contenders stop short of lifting their arms towards the coveted prize, resorting instead to a stare-down contest where they glare at each other, furrow their eyebrows and tightly purse their lips. Whoever flinches first, loses.

A completely different plotline involves the sudden realization by one or both opponents that in the heat of the moment they have infringed on the CDC-accepted social distance, in which case one of them (or both) springs backward in horror. A third customer, oblivious to the six feet rule and to social decorum in general, and of rather a mischievous character anyway, seizes the opportunity to snatch the trophy of 12 double rolls (which equals to 24 in total, have I mentioned that?) and flees to checkout while heaving and sweating (only from excitement, of course. Well, hopefully).

A fourth option, not entirely unimaginable in places like Canada, is the ensuing of a dialog such as this one:

“Go ahead, you came here first.”

“Oh, no, no, please, you should have it.”

“No, I insist. This is yours.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely!”

Of course, if the conversation lasts for too long, there’s always a chance that our naughty client from paragraph #4 will help himself/herself to the loot while the other two strike a lifelong friendship based on mutual respect and support, in which case they may not even need those rolls anyway because they’ll be happily and voluntarily donating to each other the ones they have already stashed at home.

In summation, don’t turn a potential friend into a probable foe over toilet paper (or pasta or canned corn).

Keep calm and stay safe!