My Green Onion Therapy

By Didi Gorman

I’ve recently discovered an easy and non-expensive stress-reducing technique.

It’s called ‘green onion therapy’. No need to cringe. It’s a tried-and-true-ish method which I had tested on my own person, and I can (almost) safely say that it kind of works somehow!

By the way, did you know that plant cultivating is a soothing activity that has a restorative effect on the soul?

I have watched several YouTube clips that suggest that gazing at a small, green, living, breathing thingamabob (not frogs) is good for our wellbeing.

Well, I’m very glad to have learned this, because the other day I found a sprouting onion in the pantry and decided to put this theory to the test.

I placed my budding specimen in a pot on my desk and waited anxiously for its healing powers to assail me with an intense sense of calm.

I even practiced my breathing: Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale!

I recited a little mantra: “I am calm and relaxed! I am calm and relaxed! I am caaalm and relaaaaxed… I aaam caaalm ..… aaaand… reeee….laaaaxed….”

By the end of the experiment, I nearly fell asleep – from boredom, I think, but who cares? It worked!

My companion of an onion had delivered! Not only had my nerves been thoroughly appeased but my creative thinking had been given a much-needed boost! I suddenly saw solutions where I had previously only seen problems!

But wait a sec. Remember how I said that ‘gazing at a small, green, living, breathing thingamabob is good for our wellbeing’?

Well, actually, that was only half the hypothesis. The COMPLETE hypothesis postulates that if that small, green, living, breathing thingamabob is also EDIBLE, then it’s much, much better! (Still no frogs, please.)

Which explains why, in a fit of brilliance, I sprung up, retrieved an egg from the fridge (plus a sharp paring knife from the kitchen drawer), snatched the onion from its pot and vigorously chopped it into fine pieces. One of my best finger-licking fried-onion omelets to date had thus been born!

As I said, onion therapy is great.

Thing is, what do I do the next time I feel edgy, now that my onion friend is no more?

Okay, okay, I think I’ve got this. I just peeked in the pantry again and I noticed a delicate green stem protruding from one of the garlic cloves. All is not lost then!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a new de-stressing practice to develop. My ‘Garlic Greens to Ease the Jitters’ is being conceptualized in my head right now, as I’m writing these lines. Moods will be lifted, antsiness will be quieted, and just as importantly, garlic-bread will be baked.

Ooh, I can’t wait!