I’m Going Viral on Social Media!

By Didi Gorman 

I’m going viral on social media! I’m going viral on social media!

Oh, wait. No, I’m actually not.

But I sure would have loved to go viral! (Just to be clear, by ‘viral’ I’m referring to Facebook popularity, not to a literal virus infection, yes?)

Anyway.

Imagine posting something on Facebook, and within only a few hours, hundreds– no, thousands of likes and comments swarm your page! How nice and validating that must feel!

Not that I would know, though.

For every article I post on Facebook, I get about three likes, if I’m lucky, that is, and mostly from my mom, Uncle Ed, and Auntie Beth. (Though to be totally honest, I don’t think Auntie Beth even bothers with my Facebook posts. I think she’s never quite got the hang of how Facebook works, so it’s probably Uncle Ed who logs in twice: once through his own account and then from Auntie Beth’s – bless them both.)

I’ve recently chatted with a fellow blog writer who claims to get over a thousand ‘likes’ for every article he shares from his blog to his Facebook page.

I nearly choked on my own saliva when I heard that, and let me tell you that saliva induced by envy tastes particularly sour.

I mean, over a thousand likes! Every time! This is insane! Clearly, the dude is a king when it comes to social media.

Then he kindly asked me to reveal how many likes I usually get on my Facebook posts. He wanted to compare.

I swallowed.

“Three,” I said timidly, lowering my gaze to the floor.

“Three as in ‘three thousand’???” he cried out, “That’s triple what I have!” His shock was evident.

“No, not three thousand,” I corrected, my voice almost a whisper, “Three. Only three.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look into his face which, I could only imagine, was smug and triumphant now. I braced myself for some kind of a sneer. But instead, to my surprise, he admitted to having inflated his figures slightly (by one thousand roughly). He’d just wanted to gauge my reaction, he said. What’s a little teasing between two old friends?

Right. Well, at least I wouldn’t need to seek psychological therapy for inferiority complex, after all. Yay.

Still, if there’s a magic formula to conquering social media, I would very much like to find it. I’m not willing to give up on my dream of going viral and bathing in accolades!

A-ha! I think I found it! With a little help from my fans (noticed how I called them ‘fans’, all three of them?), I might just be able to pull this one off.

So, mom, Uncle Ed, and Auntie Beth, this message is aimed at you: If you happen to read this article on my Facebook page, please hit that thumbs-up button. I will pay you a dollar each when I see you on Friday for dinner, I promise!